What do you really need to do?

I was chatting with a friend yesterday who was completely overwhelmed by his life situation. Nothing seemed to be going right. He was so angry at everyone; friends, family, and colleagues.

He felt victimized in every aspect of his life. He complained that he wasn't being respected, loved, or protected. He was at a loss for what he needed to do to dig himself out of this perpetual abyss in which he finds himself.
As per my usual directness, I simply said, you don't have to do anything. He was so stressed at the thought of having to solve his perceived issues, he was missing the point and the lessons behind them. If you act like a victim, you will be a victim. If you believe it, you will be it.

Well this advice went over like a prostitute in church and I become the target of his rage. He pointed out to me that everyone has basic needs and his were not being met. He determined his own personal needs using Maslow's hierarchy of needs developed by Abraham Maslow in 1943.

These needs include the following:
Physiological needs- like food, water, sleep,etc.
Safety- security, employment, morality, family
Love and Belonging- friendship, family, intimacy
Esteem- confidence, property, achievement
Self Actualization- lack of prejudice, acceptance of facts.

I pointed out to my friend that this list is from a book dealing with what motivates human behavior, not what our true basic needs are. Ok, perhaps Maslow did believe these were true needs, but he was into psychology! Unfortunately, my friend's entire self esteem and worth is based on this list.
The list seems to focus on exterior qualities or things which we must find outside ourselves for fulfillment. The list is for the most part ego based. Most importantly, as good of a model as it is for individuals to aspire to, it was developed in 1943. Have we not become a bit more enlightened since that time? Are we not discovering the truly important things in life? Perhaps, not.

My point is that there is a fine line between wants and needs and we should not be looking outside ourselves to see what we truly want or should have, be, or do. Seeking advice and counsel is always beneficial, but discerning for ourselves the right path, leads to true growth and enlightenment. And there is always the spiritual approach, remember what spirituality is?

As they say, you can lead a horse to water...Haven't heard from my friend since yesterday. Hopefully he is thinking about what I said, not feeling victimized yet again.

Be Good to Yourselves and Each Other.
Best,
Thomas